Still here
.. well last Friday I had another health scare, one which started me off on a crazy few days where I am still recovering.
We went to Steve and Gary’s “farewell gig” at the Navy Club and what a quality gig it was, they went down really well and it was really good. I even fulfilled one of my list wishes (see below) and got up onstage for a jam to Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid” which was cool!
Then just before we left I got a real familiar stiff feeling up my neck and across my shoulders with pains down my spine. I managed to drive back home okay but by the time we got home I had pretty much seized up and wasn’t doing too well. I was alittle sick so to be on the safe side we called an ambulance, fearing a repeat of my previous problems.
They admitted me to hospital but there were no obvious neuro signs that anything had happened so I stayed in overnight and they put it down as muscle tension (which H and I were fairly certain it wasn’t just that). So I came back Saturday and just laid up in bed feeling pretty low and come Sunday I just got worse and started being sick quite a lot. So another call, this time to HantsDoc and the doc took one look at me with my previous record and arranged for me to be readmitted to Hospital.
So from Sunday until lunchtime today I have been in hospital, the long and the short of it is that I had another bleed in the back of my head (but “only” half as large as the one in March) and they aren’t sure if it was from the exact same place as last time or the “lesion” that has appeared nearby (lesion as in the anomolies they haven’t quite decided are what yet in my head). The way the doc put it yesterday with his sympathetic smile and “sorries” it seems a little bleak on the outlook - I may only have a few weeks/months to live 
We have to get the low down from the oncology (cancer) team in Southampton as the guys in Basingstoke don’t fully know about that side of things, or if indeed there is anything that can be done to either fix me or give me more time. I am still really tired, back home (where I belong) in bed and just chilling out.
So to be honest H and I are absolutely scared shitless that I may have little time left here.. we aren’t even three weeks married yet and it is pulling me to pieces. We got home from the hospital today and had a family meal with Sam and put him to bed etc, it really upset me that I may never see him grow up and have many more days of “us” time.. H tells me she feels sad when I say that because “what about her..?” I feel exactly the same about her but to be honest I can’t say that to her yet because it would be a killer. We are firmly two halves of one person and I don’t know we would cope.
I just had a really bad cry thinking about it (obviously) and I can’t really put it into words - just try to imagine someone telling you you may have a few weeks/months left and you will leave all those you love dearest, including never seeing your own Son grow up to make you proud in whatever he does and your new wife just when things seemed to be on the up..