Dr Hamilton has just come round and had a chat about the next step(s) forward, seems I’m to stay in and have five doses of radiotherapy on a strip of my spine from the bottom to around halfway up (T11 I believe). That should either start today or tomorrow, I’m not really looking forward to staying in at least another five days but hey, gotta get fixed and out of here asap 
Will update later if/when I get some news..
Just sat in hospital, minding my own business when I happened to catch sight of my wedding ring and I had a really proud, bursting feeling in my chest.. yeah it’s a lovely looking ring but it’s not just that- it is what it symbolises that makes the difference.
People said before we were married that “it’s just a piece of paper, nothing has to change” but IMHO it has and everything feels different, a little tighter all over perhaps.
I love my wife, and I love to tell people ” this is my wife, Hayley”.
Enough of the mushy stuff, I’m going to stick some Metal on my headphones at a loud volume and do some surfing!
There’s a bloke in one of the beds opposite me that came in earlier today. He looked really rough earlier and I immediately could see he wasn’t doing so well. His mum has been up all afternoon with the curtains pulled round his bed and he has been making some pretty scary sounds.
Then she just went out into the hallway and made a quick call, five minutes later his dad and brother turned up looking really sad and shaking their heads at each other (out of eye shot of the bloke). Man it is so sad, if he’s “on his way” it is a piss-poor way to go and across the entire ward there is an air of sadness.. I started to cry a little to myself just now, hoping it’s not the way I finally go with my family looking so sad etc. Then again I want to be able to say Goodbye to them, never good when a parent outlives their kid(s) though, I’d imagine.
I feel so very, very sad at the moment 
Edit:He made it through the night, had a bit of a rough one but he’s a fighter..
They AREN’T going to plump for surgery as the neurosurgeons think the spacing of the three lesions covers too much ground so it’s not viable. Radiotherapy is going to be the way forward, I have to wait to see Dr Hamilton tomorrow morning to find out what the plan of attack is but probably something like I had on my head (ten days of average doses of twelve minutes a time).
They are fairly confident it will at least halt, if not shrink the lesions and give me most, if not all of my leg mobility back. They are pleased with my current leg strength and how I am responding to the steroids up to now.
I have a catheter (wee bag) in at the moment as the spine problem is refusing to acknowledge when I have to have a wee, they don’t know if this will change after I have the radiotherapy.. I may have to have a bag strapped to my leg permanently but as long as I don’t wear jeans quite as tight as I used to I should be fine… more positive than negative but they just can’t be sure and it’s a small price to pay for a life extension.
I feel a little more confident after what has happened the last few days, I don’t think I’m going to die any time soon so that is a definite bonus!
I had a bedside visit this morning from Dr Simmons’ Registrar (or was it SHO/HOSO, I can never remember what they are!), she checked me over and was satisfied with what was going on. It seems she is pressing the neurosurgeons today for an answer as to whether they think surgery is the way forward, if it is too risky etc. The choices going forward are:
1 - Surgery to remove the main, middle lesion and then targeted radiation on all of the lesions.
2 - If surgery is too complicated/dangerous then radiotherapy alone is the way to go. Problem with this is that because the spinal cord involved they have to be careful how much radiation they can give me..
So, a little more waiting but the lady who saw me earlier said things will be done asap and definitely this week.. I am pretty scared to be honest, never been the bravest for things like this but the words “surgery” and “spine” should never be used in the same sentence!
Will let you know what’s going on as/when I hear anything
.. had the bods round this morning with the results of my MRI scan last night - seems there are three “lesions” (tumours) on my spine, one at the top, bottom and middle (T5, I’m sure Wikipedia would show where that is!). So I am now officially out of my almost-remission.
They think that a dose or two of radiotherapy would help to either shrink it down and stop the effects, or at least render the lesions non-dangerous
The T5 one is that is pressing on my spine and causing the problems to both my legs and my lack of weeing problem.. I can feel sensations of wanting to go but find it impossible TO go - hence the rather unflattering catheter and bag I now have fitted. Should have had these fitted for nights out ages ago, saves bothering to go to the WC!
Long and he short of it is that the cancer is active again but they seem confident some radiotherapy will stem it
Sat here in the chair by my bed listening to some Testament, chewing on a tube of BBQ Pringles and waiting for H, my mum and brother to come down around noon.
Further updates will, I am sure, follow as and when they happen
EDIT: I suppose it’s a good thing is that it’s on my spine and not my head, would have been a lot worse if my head had erupted again :O
Me!
Well, a funny few days have passed:
H and I got to Newquay Thursday afternoon and checked into the hotel just fine - bit of a problem as our room was right at the top on the third floor (no lifts).. lovely view of the beaches, harbour and sea (pictures to follow).
I was a little unsteady on my feet but managed to get through the day with the aid of a walking stick (not cool!) and we had a chilled out evening.
Friday morning I was more than a little worse, my balance was totally shot so we hit the beach for a walk on the flat, hard sand which was cool. Then we had a little mooch around Newquay centre which was cool but I tripped and fell flat on my face - fell flat on my face which was never a good thing and I was SO embarrassed!
We made it to the harbour, sat down and made a few calls (Macmillan nurse/consultant oncologist etc.) and it was decided we should return home for an early trip to Basingstoke A&E on Saturday morning.
A frantic 45 minutes packing and we made it to Newquay station and we jumped on the next available train (cost another £105 but hey) and made it back to Basingstoke by midnight.
Saturday morning H and I packed a bag each (we know the drill now) and headed up to A&E.. seen pretty much straight away they conferred with Southampton and in light of the worry I wasn’t able to pee any longer (sensation is there but nothing happens) they decided they wanted me in Southampton. Quicker to go under my own steam (well, Steve gave us a lift) than to wait for a non-emergency ambulance we quickly diverted home and picked up more/different stuff for what we rightly assumed would be a couple of days stay.
I had a set of x-rays taken not long after I arrived and come 9pm last night they whisked me down for an MRI scan.. took SO long and was so hot I fell asleep, despite the clatter of machinery skimming round my head.
Came back up to the ward and fell asleep pretty much straight away, missed Match of the Day though
Sunday morning brings the prospect of waiting to see if the consultants have any news, good or bad, so I am just lying propped up in bed listening to some Dougie MacLean on my headphones and surfing the web from my laptop via a really slow mobile connection - I have had to turn off image downloads in Firework to make most sites usable!
Although we spent a huge wadge of cash on what was just 26 hours in Newquay, we both think it was definitely worth it. I think we both new something was hovering just over the medical horizon and the Thursday was our 10th anniversary of being together so it had real special meaning that we made it to Newquay at least fot that day. SO glad we made it, things liek that make everything worthwhile.
Pictures to follow, we seemed to take a load in those few hours as if we needed to pack as much in as we could
